Get to know the cast of lovable misfits you’ll meet during your travels!
TINY TINA
Tiny Tina is the world’s most dangerous 13-year-old. She loves bunnies, sugar, and weapons-grade explosives. As Bunker Master, Tina has created the entire Wonderlands as a magical playground to excite and delight her friends.
Tina has offered one of her many bomb shelters (shelters for bombs) as refuge for Valentine and Frette, two space travelers who recently crash-landed nearby. In exchange for her hospitality, they need only play along…
VALENTINE
Valentine would tell you he’s a dashing rogue with a penchant for danger and a flair for heroism. Others would describe him as «a washed-up low-rent space pirate» or «no longer welcome at this Pancake Castle or any other participating locations» or, most recently, «you’re going to crash us into that mountain, knucklehead!»
He loves Bunkers & Badasses, eager to play the gallant savior and immerse himself in the story. He’s quick on his feet but tends not to think about long-term consequences. Honestly, you’re lucky if he gets to short-term consequences.
FRETTE
Frette was an office accounting bot for decades before a chance encounter with Valentine resulted in her employer filing for Bankruptcy While Currently On Fire (legally distinct from normal Bankruptcy).
Rather than be liquidated at auction, she hitched a ride off-planet with Valentine and has functioned as his navigator ever since. She tries to keep Valentine out of trouble as much as possible, but one can only do so much.
She’s big into Bunkers & Badasses, always looking for the next fight and a more powerful piece of loot. Her favorite pastime is getting under Valentine’s skin, typically for the most recent time he’s crashed their ship.
DENIZENS OF THE WONDERLANDS
BUTT STALLION
Her Royal Majesty Queen Butt Stallion, long may she rein, is a magical diamond binicorn (that means two horns, read a book).
She’s the most smartest, prettiest, perfectest ruler that ever lived, overseeing the Wonderlands from her capital city of Brighthoof. Every few hundred years, her arch-nemesis the Dragon Lord rises once again to cover the world in darkness, but Butt Stallion (heh, but butt) always defeats him with the help of a Party of Heroes.
PALADIN MIKE
Paladin Mike is the head of the Diamond Guard, Queen Butt Stallion’s elite defenders.
He is a shining beacon of hope and chivalry to all of Brighthoof and the Wonderlands beyond. At least, he would be if he didn’t curse like a sailor and generally throw all manners in the outhouse.
He’s gruff, angry, and constantly looking for his next cup of tea or coffee. Beware anyone, be they friend or foe, should they get between Paladin Mike and his Queen.
TORGUE
Founder of the Torgue Combustible Pistols Company, this screaming maniac has left behind his riches and castles and taken on the life of a wandering musician.
Torgue is only a half-bard, but what he lacks in talent, he also lacks in knowledge. His magic lute allows him to cast spells, but since he lacks control one never knows what he might end up casting.
FAIRY PUNCHFATHER
Magic: nothing in the Wonderlands is as precious, nor as fragile. Something so delicate must be carefully-yet-zealously defended with the tender soul of a volunteer veterinarian, and the muscles of a whole calendar’s worth of firemen. Enter the Fairy Punchfather, on whose mighty deltoids rests the awesome responsibility of safeguarding all magic! Through his innate fairy connection to the natural world, he can sense any threat to its order… and then punch it. Like, real hard. Thus has the Overworld‘s magical and natural order been maintained for millennia!
IZZY
For someone so relentlessly nice, Izzy sure is one mean soda jerk. A self-made gal with a heart of gold, Izzy owns Izzy’s Fizzies, the most happening tavern in Brighthoof, where folks of all sorts gather for gossip and good times. Any adventurer with two Intelligence points to rub together knows that a tavern’s a natural nexus of narrative energy, so make sure you stay on Izzy’s good side if you want to keep questing!
BONES THREE-WOOD
Bones Three-Wood’s long, intricate, and sad backstory is so well thought-out and definitely written in advance that just hearing it will make you cry your kidneys out of your eyes. Leading from the prow, Bones only sails in the most dangerous waters, always emerging victorious and laden with booty. Or he would, if he still had a crew. Now he spends his days guarding the southern gate of the Briny Shelf. He sings songs to remind him of better days, when loot, love, and life seemed to last forever.
WASTARD
Gifted through the whims of chance and exceptionally arcane heritage, a wastard is a real son-of-a-witch capable of extraordinary feats of magic. Coveted as allies or minions, their powers of will can be bent or borrowed by worthy adventurers and aspiring villains. However, they’re just as rare, so you’ll probably only ever meet just this one Wastard on your adventures. He’s been having an extended out-of-body experience, so it might take a little bit of questing before he can lend a hand…
VERSPER
Vesper’s origins, motives, and methods are inscrutable—don’t even think about trying to scrute them! But, on the other hand, she’s a powerful soothsayer who’s generous with loot. So, who cares? The important thing is, if you can find your way to her cart in the Dreamveil Overlook, she can peer into your future—and it turns out, that future looks mighty shiny if you help her out! If you’ve got an ear for her stories, you just might learn something along the way…
THE DRAGON LORD
A powerful necromancer, the Dragon Lord is Tina‘s most enduring evil creation.
He has tried for eons to conquer the Wonderlands and eradicate the stain of Heroism from the world, but over and over again he is defeated by Queen Butt Stallion and the Party of Heroes.
A lesser villain would have given up by now, but the Dragon Lord has devious plans to shatter the cycle and destroy the forces that have opposed him once and for all.
